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  • Writer's pictureCandace Nola

4/19/2024 The Mort Report

Two more reviews this week from The Mort Report. This week features rising star Erica Summers and the always awesome Rowland Bercy, Jr.




by Erica Summers

You know those machines where you throw in quarters, and then you get to play a game until you lose, and then you throw in more money and play more games, and you do it again and again and again until you realize you are totally addicted and have to start mugging people to get more quarters so you can play some more because, ffs, Randy beat your top score that took you weeks to get and now you have to beat him before you can ever sleep again and this shitty game keeps cheating so you will never get a bathroom break again so you just pee in your pants right where you stand and it was totally worth it because the human body can go without water for two days or three days it doesn’treallymatterallthatmattersisgettingthathighscoreagain…?

Yeah, this story is not about that.

But it will make you miss those days…


4 Stars

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by Rowland Bercy, Jr.

Well, there is something to be said for beauty, whether someone’s glabella is prettier than their uvula, whether their axilla is better shaped than their frenulum, whether the size of their gluteus maximus is better developed than their coccyx, whether their lunula or popliteal space for exceeds any of their 50 + sphincters…at the end of the day, people will tell you that beauty comes from within.

Yet Rowland Bercy Jr. said re-he-he-eal-ly…

My apologies, I showed my son ACE VENTURA the other day.

Anyway, this story is more comedy based than scary, yet entertaining.



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