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  • Writer's pictureChristina Pfeiffer

03/30/2024 Christina Critiques


I only have eight reviews for today, sorry I am slacking.


But good news, I have one about porn, ghost hunters, pervy men, a graphic novel, and one clowns.


AND poetry. I mean, variety is the spice of life, right?


Let’s get into them!


 

PORNAGEDDON

By Matt Micheli


You want sex and blood in your reading material? Well, Mr. Micheli has you covered on that and so much more.


What happens when the world’s hottest piece of ass (Abella) is actually the reason for Armageddon? Can four rag tag men who enjoy their hands down their pants a wee bit too much help save humanity? And what’s with all the random killings?! You gotta read to find out.


Micheli is no-holds bar in this depraved, Jesus-needs-to-save-you novel. From the sex scenes and bloody deaths, you know you are in for a ride as the four Horny-smen try to stop the Apocalypse.


Blasphemous, slut-ridden, and gory af. A HIGHLY RECOMMEND 4.5/5.


ORDER HERE:


 

HAUNTED HAMBURGER HOUSE

by Frank Edler


Frank is one of my of my favorite authors (don’t tell him though) and triple H just goes on to prove why. (Triple H = look at the title, goobers.)


I don’t even know how to write this synopsis as there is so much in it: ghosts, a realtor down on her luck, a ghost adventure show hoping to get picked up by a network, two dudes who like to watch like weirdos, and unknown planet ridden object controller. I know, it sounds insane… it is. From the beginning to the last page.


I don’t know why I waited so doggone long to read triple H, but I’m glad I did. Children will no longer be referred to as crotch goblins, gut spawn, or cherubs. They are from now until eternity known as loin nuggets. Thank you, Frank, for that.


Another homerun from Edler. A HIGHLY, HIGHLY RECOMMEND 5/5.


ORDER HERE:

 

BLUEJAY

By Megan Stockton


I love Megan’s writing. It’s quick, brutal, and she doesn’t hold anything back… case in point…


Noah is the avenger of online justice. He takes down trolls while feeling like a savior. But what happens when you get the log in information for your newest target and they have an exclusive offer to a simulation club? Well, you sign up as the troll and take your friends! That’s what. But it’s never that simple, is it?


I listened to BLUEJAY and boy, oh boy, it became a little too real in some parts. The main question I found myself asking while listening is: are the friends that much different than the internet trolls? The answer may surprise you.


A HIGHLY RECOMMEND 4.5/5.


ORDER HERE:

 

DARK RIDE VOL. 2

By Joshua Williamson, et al


Continuing from my review last week, DARK RIDE Vol. 2 is even more gruesome and bomb dropping that the first.


Samhain and Summer are getting a bit too deep into his father’s secrets and past deals. Danny (the devil mascot) isn’t about to let the family’s secrets be revealed by two snoops and tries to revoke their season pass (ha). Obsession, kidnapping, and cartoon violence all culimate in the most intense cliff hangar ever!


I immediately bought the last three issues that are available and pre-ordered the last one releasing in May. I will finish this series review then.


But until May, go check out the first two volumes to get ready for that last one.


A HIGHLY, HIGHLY RECOMMEND 5/5.


ORDER HERE:

 

MR. JACOBS AND THE DEMONIC CLOWNS FROM THE GREAT BEYOND

By Jeff Folschinsky


Jeff is quickly becoming a hidden favorite. HOW DID I NOT KNOW ABOUT HIM BEFORE!? I’m so annoyed with myself but I can give a bit of grace now that I listened/read it.


Imagine Hellraiser, Clowns from Outer Space, the end of the world, possessions, Mr. Rogers, any detective show and the incompetent but kinda capable assistant. Then you have a small idea of what is going to happen… actually, no. There’s so much more!


Folschinsky has a talent for making me cackle out loud and feeling embarrassed because it was too loud. Not to mention I don’t want to have to explain why I’m laughing like a lunatic. I need more from this author… like a bunch more so… I’m about to activate my annoying mode so I get my way.


A DOUBLE HIGHLY RECOMMEND (again) 10/5.


ORDER HERE:


 

Stoker Nominees for SUPERIOR ACHIEVEMENT IN POETRY


(BLEEDING RAINBOWS AND OTHER BROKEN SPECTRUMS by Maxwell I. Gold was previously reviewed and ON THE SUBJECT OF BLACKBERRIES — I have to hunt that one down. )


 

THE QUIET WAYS I DESTROY YOU

By Jessica McHugh


I need you to stop reading this review and immediately go buy this book. It’s everything.


McHugh does a multi-media experience in her pictures that accompany her poems. Yarn, construction paper, glitter, colored pencils, paint, and wax (I think) are all utilized as part of this recycled LITTLE WOMEN book reimagining.


Here are a few quotes:


“Be afraid of a/ summer man,/ who saves trouble/ like vacation days…”


“Fight the promise of fairy tales/ &/ Make a bonfire from happy endings.”


And the one that still has me in my feelings:


“… To grow a family under a faded picture of Christ/ And invade a girl of 13 like an AR-15/ Rapidly shooting up her right to a happy life,/ dressed as the Chosen One…”


McHugh, in every poem, turns LITTLE WOMEN into a witchy, feminist poetry book of warning to men. There is no love story, only the slow evolving finality of the sisters into something to fear yet crave.


Absolute perfection. 5/5.


ORDER HERE:

 

RIVERS IN YOUR SKIN, SIRENS IN YOUR HAIR

By Marisca Pichette


Do you like nature? Fairy tales? Fungi? This collection is for you then because holy Toledo.


Pichette writes in such a way that you feel like you are in a forest or a beautiful underwater fairy tale land, arms wide open, embracing the beauty around you… but with a little darkness thrown in. It’s also a bit erotic, “lie down on your stomach,/ giving your breasts to the earth/ and your back to me…” (Maid Stone).


Sky, Earth, water, fairy tales, myths, childhood stories, are all laid bare to evoke the feeling of oneness. And it’s a debut collection of poetry!


A HIGHLY RECOMMEND 4.5/5.


ORDER HERE:

 

NUMINOUS STONES

By Holly Lyn Walrath


I was not sure how I felt about NUMINOUS STONES when I first started it. It “originates from traditional Malaysian poetry, pantoums, or fixed form poems composed of a series of quatrains in which the second and fourth verses of a stanza are taken up by the first and the third to the next stanza.” Sounds confusing, right? It isn’t after you get the rhythm of it. I have read a looooot of poetry but this my first in pantoums. It’s like a stutter step because the poems make you stop and when you continue, it’s all new somehow.


I promise, it makes sense when you get into it. Then add in Walrath’s personal time spectrum and BAM! You are falling in love with this collection. We go on a journey that begins a bit whimsical, then a bit more angsty, then reality and adulthood sets in. Any word I use to describe it is going to fail at conveying the true genius of this collection. We end the collection with personal details about Walrath’s own journey of experience and grief that brings everything full circle.


This emotional, brilliant, and a scrapbook of grief and a slow healing. A HIGHLY, HIGHLY RECOMMEND 5/5.


ORDER HERE:

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