Christina Critiques - ARMY OF DARKNESS (1992)

Where do I even start with this cult classic?

The first time I watched AoD I freaking hated it. I mean, I looked at Michael and was pissed. What the fuck did I just watch? Where’s the plot? Why was it so goofy? Was I missing something?

I was indeed.

Ash goes back in time after a portal is open by the Necronomicon. Where does he go? To what he believes is about 1300 A.D. Now, keep in mind, he didn’t come through the portal empty handed, his car came with him (and this will be very important later on in the movie.) And thus begins his hero’s quest. Now… saying hero’s quest makes me feel like Joesph Campbell will haunt me because it’s a flimsy hero’s quest at best. But still - if SpongeBob SquarePants can go on one, I guess Ash can too.

This movie makes so little sense and it’s frustrating to someone like me who loves to analyze films for everything from the color choices to the dialogue. AoD didn’t allow that and it was frustrating.

SPOILERS AHEAD (ffs friends, this is older than your children so I don’t feel too bad about the spoiling).

What I loved:

I LOVED the nods or homages to certain movies/books. GULLIVER’S TRAVELS is seen when Ash is tied down by his mini doppelgängers? mini Ashes? Lord only knows. MADMAX can be alluded to with the car modifications at the end, and it’s obvious when the Three Stooges are being paid homage.

I LOVED the quotability of the dialogue. Some personal favorites were -

“Well, hello, Mr. Fancy Pants.”

“Gimme some sugar, baby.”

“Yo, she bitch, let’s go.”

“Good. Bad. I’m the guy with the gun.”

“Well, that’s just what we call ‘pillowtalk’, baby.”

I LOVED how big of misogynist he is. The way he talks to Sheila, the hag, or the way he treats the women before sleeping with Sheila. He burps, slurps wine, treats women like they are expendable. But somehow, SOME WAY, his character works like that. I mean, look at 90% of the quotes above. They aren’t from a white knight, I can tell you that.

What I disliked:

I DISLIKED all of the damn questions I had after watching it. How did the mini-Ash’s come to be? How did they come out of a mirror, then one swan dives into his mouth? Then Ash drinks scalding, hot water to kill it? After he has an eye come out of his shoulder that turns into a conjoined twin, that turns into a full doppelgänger of himself? DO YOU SEE WHY WAS CONFUSED?

Was it the witch’s curse? The Necronomicon? Sam Raimi messing with us?

THE GOTDAMN BULLETS? How did he find them after falling through the portal? At the end, how did he shoot like fifteen times without reloading? MAKE IT MAKE SENSE.

WHERE DID HE GET THE GAS FOR THE CAR?! HOW DID THEY HAVE THE PARTS FOR THE BIONIC HAND? HOW IS EVIL ASH DECOMPOSED AFTER A FEW HOURS?

Please, please help me answer these questions. I will be forever in your debt!

Final Thoughts:

Do I recommend this to everyone? Yep. I mean, it’s silly, slapstick insanity that if you can suspend all disbelief and not try to understand anything that is going on, you can find enjoyment in it. I will suggest a second viewing though, especially if you are not a fan the first time.

I will say I understand the derisiveness of this movie. It’s full of machismo and sexism. It’s action packed and bloody at times. But it’s hilarious, well shot, and at times, the special effects blew me away (not the cemetery scene, good heavens that looked terrible in comparison to the Army of the Dead and fight scenes).

Did you love it? Hate it? Have answers to my burning questions? Tell me below.